Why am I still even alive...

Try to hang in there. I will be enabling the chat box soon, and I am trying to get more people here.
Most people don't tend to take it well, and as someone wise once said it is impossible to see or understand unless you are one of them.


“When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.